a public service announcement ☀️

Have a good
day, Lauren!

Yes, I made you another website.
No, I will not be explaining myself.

there's, uh… a developing story below ↓

Vol. 1 — "Website #2" Edition Price: FREE (the dogs can't afford a paywall)

🚨 BREAKING

Local Man Builds Second Website For Girl — His Own Dogs Still Waiting

Sources confirm Peter has now produced two fully deployed websites for one Lauren Patterson, while the three very good boys who live in his house have received a combined total of zero (0). "We're not mad," said one golden, who was visibly mad.

By Winnie, Benji & Teddy · Investigative Goldens

Winnie, Benji and Teddy, three golden retrievers

← Winnie Benji Teddy →

"The Accused's own dogs, photographed moments before learning the news."

Websites for Lauren

Websites for the dogs

The dogs would like a word.

We reached out for comment. We deeply regret reaching out for comment.

Winnie · the eldest, the wisest, the snubbed

"I have given this family the best years of my floof. He meets a girl and suddenly he's a web developer? Unbelievable."

Benji · sits, stays, seething

"I know 'shake.' I know 'paw.' I know 'good boy.' I do NOT know why Lauren has a domain name and I don't."

Teddy · the birthday boy, allegedly

"I literally wore a BIRTHDAY BOY bandana. On my birthday. And the website went to… her. Again. I'm so tired."

And it gets worse.

Even Lauren's own dogs have no website. Witness the injustice. Witness the floof.

Tater goldendoodle · Lauren's

Hair like a shampoo commercial. Websites: zero. Make it make sense.

Tonka good boy · Lauren's

Conquered the entire agility course. Reward: watching Lauren get Website #2.

✍️ Sign the petition

"We, the undersigned good dogs, demand that Peter build us a website too. He clearly knows how. We've seen the proof. Twice."

signatures so far:—

Today's Lauren Forecast

🌤️

Tap below for today's official outlook.